One of the most common reasons for divorce is the expression, "I don't love you anymore" and if you are on the receiving end of this earth-shattering phrase it will undoubtedly end up destroying all your confidence, leave you feeling vulnerable and send you spiraling into a fit of acute depression. The very reason that you are reading this article is that you are more than likely in this very situation and have asked yourself, endlessly "Where has our love gone and what can I do to get it back and save my marriage?"
Sure, we all agree that there are things you should and shouldn't have done over the years - all long term relationships face bumps along the way, but then we are all so clever in hindsight! Some of the reasons your partner may have fallen out of love with you, could include:
• Boredom
• Feelings of being taken for granted
• Loneliness
• No communication
• Very little, or no form of intimacy
This is going to come as a shock BUT what you need to do at this point, in an attempt to save your marriage, is the very opposite of what you would like to do! Here are some pointers to help you:
Step 1 - Can I Save My Marriage: Confidence
Do not beg or plea with your partner in an effort to get him to stay with you. Do not stay at home all day crying! Show them you are strong in your own right and not entirely dependent on them - you are not with them because you have to be there, rather because you want to be with them. Try to be as calm and level-headed as you can be in the situation. Most importantly do not behave in an 'over-anxious' manner. This will only prove to be an irritant to your partner.
Step 2 - Can I Save my Marriage: Trial Separation
As hard as this may seem, a trial separation may be just what your relationship needs - a 'cooling' off time to enable you both the think things over. Once you are away from each other, it will put a stop to the constant bickering and accusations. It can also be a time for reflection on the good parts of your relationship that you will miss and are worth fighting for. It is also an opportunity for you to show your partner that you do have an inner strength that is not totally reliant on them
Step 3 - Can I Save My Marriage: Know Yourself
During this very emotional time, try to focus on yourself and look to ways to improve yourself and your relationship. Pay attention to the points that may have caused your partner to start drifting away from you in the first place. (Refer above). Ask yourself what you can do for your marriage. There is much to gain from working through these issues.
Step 4 - Can I Save My Marriage: Communication
Once you have had some 'time-out' from each other, it is now vitally important that you start communication with each other. Make a time that is convenient to both of you and take turns to listen as well as putting your point of view forward. DO NOT blame or attack each other - this will only put the other person on the defensive, don't complain about what has already hurt you - rather suggest changes you can both make. Most importantly, do not withdraw, act aloof or refuse to discuss the situation - this is your MARRIAGE you are trying to save!
Step 5 - Can I Save My Marriage: Get Help
What happens if all the above still does not help? Then you should get some marriage counseling. If you are at the stage when you are not communicating with each other, you will only grow further apart. Marriage counseling provides a neutral environment where both parties can feel comfortable opening up and examining their true feelings.
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